Food reviews that show how much I fail at adult life

In these past two months I discovered I don’t need to be in America to succumb miserably to food cravings. It turned out I am perfectly capable of eating healthy and exercising for a whole week, to then pack all my binge eating into my weekends. This makes my weekly budgeting useless. Here is a bloody useless food review to remind myself of my failures. I’m an adult. 

Review no.1: The Drunken Monkey, Shoreditch
It is very likely my friends are now sick of hearing me rave on about how good this place is. The Drunken Monkey is a cocktail bar/fusion Asian restaurant in front of The Boxpark Shoreditch – and it couldn’t have been anywhere else. Take a bunch of extremely cool members of staff with funky hair, piercing and hip clothes, an endless happy hour with half-price cocktails, a massive pub-looking space which Chinese lanterns and nearly American-sized portion of Asian bliss and you have The Drunken Monkey.

With about £20, you can feed two people and get a bloody good cocktail. I had a Mango Julep, the best chilli fried tofu I have ever eaten in my life, Cantonese rice, heavenly BBQ pork roast buns and more stuff I am ashamed to write about. One thing is certain: I AM GOING BACK THERE.

Review no.2 : The Monocle Café, Chiltern Street
This tiny café in the beautiful Chiltern Street, Marylebone, is more on the pricey side but a great spot if you like Monocle magazine – or if, like me, you waste your life looking at pictures of food. The Monocle Café‘s Japanese breakfast is what caught my eye during pointless scrolling on The Londonist during my lunch break. 

A selection of Japanese treats might not be filling enough if, like me, you have a stomach of a size of a fallout shelter. However, Monocle’s Japanese breakfast – made of tofu, Japanese omelette, pickled cucumber, salad, tuna musubi and miso soup is a perfect healthy and warm brunch for gloomy London winters. The Monocle Café’s full meals cost around £8. You can choose among Scandinavian breakfasts or currys, or you can have really great coffee and cinnamon buns.

If you can’t be bothered to queue, you better get there early: the Monocle Café is as popular as it is tiny, but it’s also very cute. They also have a heated toilet, which makes me giggle. I’m 22 years old. 

Review no.3: Morito, Exmouth Market
Morito‘s beetroot borani with feta was on TimeOut’s Top Ten best dishes in London – and it’s under a tenner.

A small tapas bar in classy Exmouth Market, Morito is a no-reservation spot that fills up really quickly. It makes up for it with great twists on the same old tapas – like the fried chickpeas with pumpkin and the crispy aubergine I ordered. 

Until next binge.

Pictures: Carolina Are