Asses & Activism: The Sex-Positive Activists To Follow

The past couple of years since I’ve rebranded as Blogger On Pole have become a whirlwind of chats, meet-ups and binge-reading (or listening) to articles, talks and podcasts by the incredible members of the social media sex-positive communities who are pushing boundaries with their no-stigma, no-bullshit activism in the shape of brilliant content. This community has made me feel welcome and given me a space to be myself, to chat about issues that matter to me and that have made me grow as an individual while understanding my own traumas and limits. To me, this is what activism looks like. Precisely because they’ve given me this space, I wanted to give something back and introduce them to my readers who may not have come across them before – especially in the days of Instagram censorship. So without further ado, get your index fingers ready and click the “Follow” button on these activists and artists if you haven’t already.

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What Is Asses And Activism

In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve added a brand new category to Blogger On Pole called precisely “Asses and Activism”. This happened after a silly Instagram post and story of mine where I mentioned that I can’t always talk about “Asses and Activism” received a lot of good feedback, with people telling me they’d like me to develop this into a concept.

Turns out I’d like to develop this into a concept too. I love the idea of naked activism, because women and LGBTQIA+ folx’s bodies are the ultimate battleground. We are STILL being told what’s appropriate for us to wear and do with our bodies, by powerful men, laws and even by the social networks we once used to raise your voice.

So, adapting RuPaul’s “Every time I bat my eyelashes, it’s a political act,” quote (and acknowledging that Drag Race and RuPaul have a lot of work to do in terms of activism), this category is about believing that every time you shake your ass in public, every time you don’t conform to what’s appropriate, every time you are proud of your body – that’s activism. It’s a political act.

For now, Asses and Activism will be the section of this blog where I interview or showcase inspiring activists, or where I discuss crucial issues to our community. Hopefully, in time, it can become something bigger – if you’re interested in this paypal.me/bloggeronpole is where it’s at (wink wink).

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Sex Educators & Sex-Positive Accounts – ‘Cause Knowledge Is Activism

When disinformation is a tool the powerful use to brainwash the public into voting for homophobic, racist and misogynist leaders, knowledge is activism. Here are some of my fave sex educators.

Alix Fox

A script consultant on Netflix’s hit show Sex Education, a sex educator and presenter of BBC podcast Unexpected Fluids, Alix Fox is one of the funniest activists out there. I saw her talk at Stylist Live last year, when she covered the difference in sexual satisfaction between men and women amongst other things, and I’ve been stalking her profile ever since. So should you.

ComeCurious

Florence and Reed are a sex-ed duo fighting sexual stigma by inviting activists and other personalities to share their sex stories through their F**ks Given podcast – yours truly was one of their guests. They also shoot super-informative vlogs via ComeCurious, where they help you have better sex by discussing everything from oral to foreplay. Oh, and they campaign against unsolicited dick picks and self-love amongst other things. Make sure you hit follow on both their accounts – their ComeCurious vlog recently hit 100,000 subscribers on YouTube so you know they’re great!

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You are male, standing on packed train and you open up a message from a girl you don’t know. SUDDENLY A GRAPHIC CLOSE UP VAGINA FILLS YOUR SCREEN and you know everyone around has seen it 😑 Whether it’s a dick or not, sending explicit content to someone who hasn’t asked for it is not the right thing to do. It makes you question if that person is actually okay or not, are they lonely? Did someone teach them the wrong way? Did they not google how to flirt? Most people (women especially) get turned on by sexual images because they have a back story to the person, they fancy them. Not some random faceless genital that pop up in conversation unexpectedly. Best thing you can do to avoid this is just ask or wait till they do 😚 I looovee asking for cock pics when the time and person is right 🤤 But trust me when i say you will 100% get a better reaction from sending a pic of a dog than anything explicit #senddogsnotdicks Lastly I appreciate every person in my requests inbox who has actually asked to send me explicit images. Its very unlikely I will want them but it does make me respect you a little more than the average dick pic guy. #realitydisclaimer untouched image but several were taken to get the right angle 👌 #curiousforreality

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Oloni

A sexual and wellbeing content creator, Oloni is behind the Laid Bare podcast as well as a serious of sex-positive events and a hilarious Twitter account. Follow her both there and on Insta! Somehow it will not let me embed her pics…

Project Pleasure

The brainchild of audio producer Anouszka Tate and freelancer Frankie Cookney, Project Pleasure is another must on your podcast list. The duo are putting the pleasure back in to safe sex and healthy relationships with guests, tips and more.

Rukiat

Can you be sex-positive and celibate? Hell yeah. Rukiat’s is a must-follow account because 1) her visuals are STUNNING 2) she tells it like it is, both on STIs and on celibacy.

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Continuing on from my post in my ninja outfit :). This is a post for women specifically, but can apply to anyone. – We know that straight sex can be very male-centred, I hear many complaining but not many taking action. – By taking action I mean communicating. Communication is key. Communicating your needs are important. – I have fell victim to lack of communication in the past. At first it was due to lack of awareness. I didn’t know what my needs were so therefore never knew that I had to communicate to my partner/s in order to fulfill them. I tended to go with their lead, assuming that this was how it was meant to be. – And even when I did know what I wanted, at times I found it difficult to speak up because I didn’t know how. And then afterwards I’d think back and think ‘Fuck! Why did I think that was okay? I should have said something!’ – If you like to be touched in a certain way or feel uncomfortable engaging in a sexual act you should voice how you feel. If you want to explore certain things like kink, or invite new objects or people into your bedroom you should say. During sex there should be communication too, let your partner know whether what you’re doing feels good or not. Doesn’t have to be many words but you should be clear and assertive. – Communication is also important when it comes to consent. Every sexual act must be consented; it is okay to agree to one act, yet refuse the other. This is the actual law. – And please don’t forget the clit, it’s sole function is for you to reach orgasm, don’t let it go to waste. You deserve to orgasm every. Time. One of the main reasons why many women who have sex with men aren’t orgasming is because they aren’t speaking up. It is 50/50; your partner should put in the effort to learn what you like but you must also put in the effort to teach them. – If you are still trying to figure out your body sexually, find somebody to explore together with. Or you can just indulge in some self-pleasure. In fact make it a goal like I have this year. It will improve your confidence when going into sex because you know yourself. You become more sexually self-aware. Take control ladies! 💜

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Self & More.

I love following sexy brands that are also informative and brand-new body-safe online sex toy boutique Self & More., based in London, is exactly that. Poppy launched Self & More. because she was frustrated by the way that many sex toy shops view female pleasure through the male gaze. No thanks. She figured that if she was left wanting more from sex toy shops, the chances are that other people are too. And so, Self & More. was born. What’s not to like?

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Hands up if you’ve ever had someone going to town between your legs and just thought ‘why the f are you doing that like that?!’ 🙋🏽‍♀️ When I was younger I would find myself in these situations and just shrug it off as that person being ‘bad in bed’, by which I mean I would laugh about it with my friends / ghost them straight after (was ghosting even a thing in 2011? 🤔). But then something clicked and I realised that if I wanted to have better sex, then I had to ask for exactly what i wanted and not just hope that someone will guess correctly. Some of you are prob thinking ‘well yeah, duh’ while others might be wondering how to actually find the words to ask. If you’re in the latter camp then this is for you. First of all you need to learn what your needs are. Like, specifically. Next time you’re masturbating, actively think about what kind of touch feels good and say this out loud. Describe the specific motion involved and the pressure, give the instruction to yourself. If you feel embarrassed then keep repeating those words until the embarrassment has gone. A lot of us carry shame when it comes to pleasure, inherited through cultural messages and disinformation – it takes work to shrug this off but by being honest with yourself about your desires you are taking ownership of your pleasure. It’s actually very easy once you start, so here are some handy phrases to help you to vocalise your needs. 💭 I really like it when you circle your tongue like that. 💭 Have I ever told you how crazy it drives me when you bend me over your knee / kiss my neck / stroke my balls. 💭 That feels great, it would feel even better if you moved like this instead. 💭 Can I show you how I like to stroke my clit/ dick? 💭 That feels great, keep doing it exactly like that. 💭 I love when you grip tightly on my cock / use a circular motion / rub gently. 💭 Don’t be afraid to get specific! I.e. it feels best when you pull my foreskin / clitoral hood back.

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Stripper Activists A.K.A. Superwomen

Some of my best activism inspiration comes from strippers. Strippers are strong, clever, political womxn who are doing more for feminism than certain “feminists” who don’t believe they should fight for sex workers’ rights. Here are some of the coolest stripper activists out there.

East London Strippers Collective

Stacey Clare from the East London Strippers Collective is pretty much a superhero. She created a union for strippers, throwing brilliant parties in East London and educating the world to the fact that sex work is work, period. She now has a book in the works and recently took Edinburgh Fringe by storm with her Ask A Stripper cabaret show. If you don’t follow her, what are you doing?

United Strippers of the World

United Strippers of The World is an account organising meet-ups, informative chats and sharing relevant stripper news. The picture below is one of my faves, showing sex workers’ protest outside Instagram’s London HQ fighting censorship.

Journalists

Activism needs a platform, and these journalists are allies helping activists to speak out. Here are some editors and freelancers to follow.

Paisley Gilmour

Cosmopolitan UK’s sex and relationship section is now a must-read, mostly thanks to editor Paisley Gilmour and the stories she writes and commissions. From abusive relationships to sex toys, from coming out to sex tips, millennial Cosmo is where it’s at. Last year, Paisley also organised a meet-up to help London’s sex and relationship writers to mingle. It was really fab to meet so many fantastic writers IRL, and I got some lovely spanking gear out of it too. Give Paisley a follow for all the above.

Jake Hall

I’ve been working with Jake for a while now and I’m so glad I’ve started following them. Jake write stories about social media censorship for sex workers and sexy brands, together with articles on the environment, queer culture and more. Plus, their tweets are often heart-warming, moving and hilarious, so if you don’t follow them you’ve lost everything. They’re essentially the activism bulletin 101.

Beth Ashley

I met Beth at Cosmo’s sex and relationship writers event and I’m so glad I’ve started following her. She’s a fantastic and versatile writer, but my personal favourite topic she has covered is returning to intimacy after sexual assault, an issue that’s close to my heart as a survivor. She has worked with Rape Crisis for a donation campaign, and her feed is also LIT AF to tell you the truth. Follow her ASAP.

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Stop scrolling. Read the caption: . Lately I’ve been writing a lot around the topic of sex and intimacy after sexual assault/trauma. I wrote for @restless_mag on how to rebuild intimacy after sexual assault and it provided comfort and advice for so many people, which is incredible. I’m really grateful for the support and happy people found it useful, but I didn’t want to stop there. Up on my blog now is a post, titled ‘you can still be sexy after sexual assault’ addressing the unnecessary shame stigma around survivors and sex, and how to give a big 🖕to it. And with some amazing help from my lovely designer friend @m.pej, I’m now selling stickers from my website for sexual assault survivors, with empowering quotes aimed to break the pain narrative. We’ll eventually be providing them as A5 prints too! Swipe to see a little preview! I’ll be posting all the designs throughout the week. These stickers are £2 a pack and ALL the money is being donated to @rapecrisisew – find the link and purchase your pack through my website – they’re available now! . 📸 @fordtography

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Salty

Salty is a newsletter for (& by) badass women, trans & non-binary peeps. Its articles, covering everything from celibacy to sex work, are informative and incredibly no-bullshit and exactly what activism looks like. You’ll never want anything else in your inbox.

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Our digital world has been created for and by cis, straight, white men. When they write the algorithms, they embed all their biases and assumptions into the programs – and now we’re all living in the digital world they created for themselves. Discussions of sexuality that do not center around men’s pleasure or monetary gain short circuit their systems. Radically honest and intersectional conversations about sex, dating, and relationships is content that the algorithms literally. can. not. compute. It corrupts the code. Triggers the spam settings. So we get censored. Deleted. Banned. Silenced. See us. Hear us. Do not erase us. Thank you to everyone out here supporting Salty. Donate if you can. And subscribe to our newsletter through the link in bio. – Claire Fitzsimmons @msfitz Founder / Director of Salty #thepatriarchyisinthealgorithms

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Body-Positive Activism

Up until a while back, the beauty of Instagram was that I was as likely to see a picture of food as I was to see all forms of activism: body-positivity, period activism, naked activism, you name it. Now it’s not like that anymore unfortunately – even if it denies it, the platform is censoring women’s bodies. So it’s up to us to find, follow and support people who still put their bodies out there to help others love themselves. These are some of the coolest body-positive activists out there.

Enam Asiama

Enam Asiama is a model and plus size advocate with an account that sparks pure joy. And I mean, when you read: #FatQueerFemme and #BigFatDykeEnergy on your feed, and see her rocking outfits like this, what else could you want?

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JUNE (Pride Month) HAS BEEN A DREAM SO FAR…🏳️‍🌈 1. I GOT SIGNED… to @antiagencyldn 2. Its PRIDE month 3. I found out im 5″10 not 5″9 4. I’m partly blind, so most of the time I can’t see how people react to the random shit I do 😝😝😝 5. I stick all my personal belongings under my titties… including snacks (let me know if you spot my different lipglosses). 6. I’m about to have a bombass queer ass #FATGIRLSUMMER …so tag me in your shenanigans and use this hashtag! 📸 @giselle_makeup + @astramckenzie ♡ #ewurajaja #pride #lgbt #bikini #psblogger #fatfashion #fatgirljoy #digitalinfluencer #influencer #fatgirlmagic #everybody #ukstyleblogger #goldenconfidence #curvygirlsrock #summerhat #style #fashion #plussize #plussizemodel #model #hotgirlsummer #BlackGirlMagic #photography #beauty #summer #asseenonme #asoscurve #loveglasses

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Ruby Rare

Ruby is a sex-positive by activist who shares inspiring posts about loving your body, about embracing your bisexuality and teaches a variety of workshops across London. In the past she’s talked about being a proud slut, masturbation and surviving trauma. Her feed is colourful and upbeat, and she’s a must-follow if you’re into sex-posi good vibes.

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SLUT TIL I DIE 😜 💥 My genitals may be having a horrible thrushy time, but sipping on this delightfully smutty teacup by @outlandish_creations is making me feel a little more like myself! 💥 I have loved Katie’s work for years, I saw her sexy ceramics the first time I stepped into @cocodemeruk (London’s most luxurious sex shop) 6 years ago, and have been a fan ever since. We met last year at a sex toy convention, and since then she’s been kind enough to send me a couple of pieces. 💥 If you fancy something lude to sip your tea from, use the code RUBYRARE for a cheeky 15% off. This isn’t a paid post, my teacup was kindly #gifted and I genuinely love Katie’s work and want to help promote her work. 💥 Also shoutout to @j00505 for feeding my vintage negliege habit. When he gave me this delightful frilly housecoat for my birthday he said and I quote “I saw this and thought it was hideous, so knew you would love it”. My friends get me 💕

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Bodyposipanda

With an account bio that claims to talk about “body positivity, feminism, and how dogs are better than humans,” you know you’ll want to follow Megan Jayne Crabbe. She has a book out and she’s currently touring the UK with her live shows. Book them here.

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📸: @studiosugarsugar 🌻 How to get through a break up: 1) Let yourself feel ALL of it. The breaking. The anger. The resentment. The fear. The loss and loneliness that’s so physical it’s like someone’s pulling the bones from your body. Feel it. Because you need to prove to yourself that you’re capable of surviving it all. And you are. 2) When you can’t handle feeling anymore, do anything else that brings in the tiniest bit of light. Soak yourself in that light for as long as you need to breathe easier. 3) Write. Or paint. Or sing. Or dance. Or cook. Create things. Literally anything. Show yourself that something can be made from other things breaking. 4) Lean into your platonic loves. Let your friends care for you, let your family carry you, let your dog comfort you, let your favourite book cradle you. Find soul mates in old places and reject the idea that romantic love is the only kind that counts. 5) Feel some more. Stop questioning whether you should be feeling what you’re feeling. 6) Make a mistake. Do something foolish. And decide to give yourself a break in advance. 7) Start allowing yourself to dream something new. Maybe reclaiming a part of yourself that existed before them. Maybe stepping into versions of yourself that didn’t feel possible with them. Keep letting go of the narratives that no longer fit. Keep outgrowing. 8) Choose yourself over & over & over. Then choose yourself again. 💜💙💚🌈☀️ • [Image description: two photos of Megan shot by @studiosugarsugar wearing purple lingerie and holding bunches of purple flowers. Her make-up is also purple and she’s looking into the camera with a neutral expression, then over her shoulder and back into the camera in the second shot] #bodypositive #selflove #breakupquotes #healing #bodyconfidence

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Parties & Events

If you like your activism with a side of partying, these accounts are for you.

PD Filthy Friday

I’m a proud member of the Haus of Filth so I might be a little biased on this one, but it’s partly thanks to PD Filthy Friday that I’ve become so outspoken, so confident and… well, so filthy. PDFF is a sex-positive, body-positive Instagram account educating the world to different types of filth – a.k.a. my favourite type of activism. Created by absolute queen Beanie The Jet, their showcases and parties are unmissable, featuring both beginner and professional performers in the most welcoming environment ever. They’ve gone private because Insta censorship sucks, but follow them here.

The Candid Collective

The Candid Collective run workshops about sex, bodies and relationships – they were the ones behind the Genital Model Making Workshop last month and have a lot more imaginative events coming up. Give them a follow to learn more.

Skirt Club

Founded by Genevieve LeJeune, Skirt Club is both a network and a members’ club for women only, encouraging self-discovery both sexually and intellectually through events and meet-ups. Its founder has been very vocal about the censorship and barriers sexy brands face while launching and I’m all here for it.

Killing Kittens

Killing Kittens was founded in 2005 by Emma Sayle, in response to demand from young, independent single girls and couples wanting to explore their sexuality. KK now organise exclusive, decadent and hedonistic parties where women have to make the first move. Since then, they have evolved and expanded beyond parties, creating an online community of over 120,000 women, gentlemen and couples and leading a variety of workshops. I’ve written about how to give the best lap dance for them and will start teaching lap dance workshops with them this September!

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#Freethenipple

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The Cocoa Butter Club

The Cocoa Butter Club is a London-based cabaret showcasing and celebrating performers of colour. It has everything from burlesque to pole dancing, from drag queens to cabaret. Book your tickets here and stay up to date with their gigs through their feed.

LGBTQIA+ Activist

LGBTQIA+ accounts are some of the most affected by Instagram censorship and online hate speech. Make sure you follow them and give them your love.

Munroe Bergdorf

Munroe is THE activist you should follow to learn about transgender rights – and because she’s awesome altogether. The founder of Goddess, a platform to amplify the voices of womxn, non-binary, intersex and transgender folks all over the world, Murnoe is also the LGBT+ beauty editor at Dazed. Make sure she’s on your feed NOW.

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What an absolute dream to be awarded Doctor of Letters by Brighton University today – an honorary doctorate for my contributions campaigning for transgender rights. This is something that I NEVER thought would or could ever happen. Thank you to the @uniofbrighton faculty, but especially, thank you to my tutor Jess Moriarty who helped me to get through the darkest of times and begin to believe in myself whilst studying for my BA hons 2005-2008. Also thank you to all of today’s graduates. That standing ovation meant the world! I’m on the train back to London trying to hold back to tears, it’s all starting to sink in… 😅 As I said in my speech, remember to be ambitious, yes. But also, remember to be kind, be understanding, be patient. Because every single one of us are going through or will go through something where we need someone to believe in us when we don’t believe in ourselves… Be that person to help someone else fly when their wings feel heavy. I wish you all the best of luck with your futures. Thank you for this award it means everything. Brighton will always be my spiritual home. Oh and I shall now only respond to emails addressed to Dr Bergdorf. Period 💅🏾 Congratulations class of 2019 #BrightonForever

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Jamie Windust

Writer, speaker and editor of Fruitcake Magazine, a biannual LGBTQIA+ print magazine allowing queer people to authentically tell their own stories, Jamie Windust are non-binary activists with on-point fashion and one of the most colourful feeds out there. They are calling for gender law reform in the UK and often call out what is quite frankly the most appalling UK government ever. Win win.

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never a truer words was written

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Susannah Temko

Susannah Temko is an intersex writer and activist working hard to increase the positive visibility of the intersex community and to fight the stigma against it. Her TEDxTalk is a must-watch and her suits are on point.

Artists

These artists make activism look pretty and shareable – make sure you support them, credit their work and, when you can, pay for it.

Florence Given

If you haven’t heard of Florence Given’s colourful, very Swinging London feminist art, well… what’s wrong with you? Have you been living under a rock? Her creation are Insta quotes goals, and her activism is about reminding you it’s good to be single, loving yourself, stop being his mother, and to dump him. Activism sometimes comes in very pretty fonts.

Erika Lust

Porn is here to stay, so how about we make it more inclusive and positive? Erika Lust, an indie film-maker, is doing just that. Follow her below and watch her films here.

Hazel Mead

Hazel Mead is a feminist illustrator and activist focusing on mental health, body and period positivity. One of my fave illustrations she’s ever made is the one you can see below, but her style is versatile and her feed is a joy to follow.

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🎉🎉🎉IT’S HERE! LINK IN BIO! Thank you so much for your support for this print! I have expanded the original illustration to include more scenarios based on your suggestions as well as more diversity! I am setting up a pre-ordering system for 3 days to gauge how many to get printed before ordering. I shall order a few extra too. It’s an A3 print on 300gsm white recycled board, £30 plus p+p. As you may or may not know, I choose a relevant charity to donate a portion of profits to for each of my prints. I am grateful to everyone who suggested a charity – I have looked into them all over the past week and they are ALL doing wonderful work which I shall highlight this week. I have chosen the charity, Brook to donate 10% of all profits from this print. Brook is a charity dedicated to sexual health and wellbeing, one aspect that I adore is their focus on good quality sex education for young people. To everyone who buys a print, you are investing in me as an artist; I appreciate it so much. It’s humbling and makes me tearful (I’m an emotional being). I get an email every time someone places an order, more than happy for you to break my inbox! 💖 #illustration #illustrator #artprint #artwork

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jacqthestripper

All hail the mother of Insta stripper artists. If you are a pole dancer or a feminist, you should follow Jacqthestripper because she will teach you 1) not to be a pole fitness wanker 2) that if your feminist doesn’t include sex workers’ rights you got it all wrong. Her posts are fun, informative and fucking I C O N I C. Buy her art and her books here.

Exotic Cancer

Why are stripper artists so fucking iconic? Exotic Cancer should already be among the accounts you follow if you read my blog, but if she isn’t now it’s your chance to hit “follow” and not be an idiot. Her sarcastic depictions of strippers’ life and her work against Instagram censorship, together with her pastel coloured vixens, make her a non-negotiable member of the Insta must-follow list thanks to her stripper activism. Buy her art here.

TL; DR

  • In a world that wants to censor women and LGBTQIA+ folx’s bodies, being naked and proud = activism
  • Knowledge is activism: educate yourself
  • Activism needs to be inclusive – learn from people who are different from you
  • Activism looks better when it’s naked. Support your sexy activists, because social media is censoring them.
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